The CFS library in nilai

Haa spent the whole morning in the CFS library... cant imagine it being this comfortable though with the constant buzzing of the light i find i soothing... haha

Life in the short Semester is abit harsh everthing is on rush.. xD i hope i do well... nw my new refuge to the hostile world i call CFS nilai is the CFS library itself... i cant explain the relaxing feeling im getting here... haha better than ever before than in the first sem where i waste my time on shit and more shit...

The library also gives me internet though not stable atleast its damn free... mpn zone xD.. im such a happy boy right now... huhu

and dear loggers im sorry if it has been a while sine my last post but time has constict itself and im in a time bind... and dear loggers i just wanna say that i trully miss all my ben and hs friends in the first sem.. most of them will move to gombak this semester while im still trying to prove myself here... well i will take this as an honor as it is a second chance most dont get to taste.. chance will not be wasted im sure..

the library is also where i can take short cat naps... relaxing it is i noe.. xD
but most importantly it give me the relaxation i need to finish my homework.. ahahaha

ok loggers this is it for nw...
Strong mind Strong faith Strong heart

at rage...

Hello loggers, i dont nie wht came over me today.. im just at rage the whole damn day.. tired of it in a way... sheesh cmon whts happening to me...

This weeks loss is a laptop charger, my one and only handphone, my earphones and my tooth brush.. totals up tp RM 375.. soo much fun... nilai u ruined my life..

The start of something new..

Tomorrow is the start of something new.. hope to get through in one piece... all the best fey...

Them Fuckers...

Hello loggers, As the title states im pissed at the second batch of my previous school the Glorious MRSM Gemencheh... The first batch made a remarkable hit by carving their names in the top 8 MRSM... this was only a year ago...

This year I found out tht My "glorious" school is ranked 31 out of 36 MRSM's all together... Haih Juniors, Ur all dumbasses... yes I Noe i only got 4 A's in my SPM but still my type was a minority... looks like this plague is staying to rot ur fucking brains out my juniors...

Thanks for bringing the name of MRSM GMC around to be spitted on and pissed on.. Thank all of you GMC juniors... BITCHES!!!!!!!

Nilai Here I come...

After my failures in life at Nilai, finally im going back there to correct my doing there... aha

And I hope to Allah i don't fuck it up again...

Strong Faith Strong Mind Strong heart

I am not ready... or am i??

Hello dear loggers today i want to tell you on the things on the things i think i might not be ready for...

1. I think I might not be ready for study in IIUM... Why do i think this way?? its because i think I am not capable of this yet in my life... Yes I've made the right and the wrong friends and I admit tht i was drinking in my forst semester... I dont blame them who introduced me to this but I regret every second I did so.. haihss

2. I think i might not be ready for life ahead of me.. I just want to be stagnant but it's impossible in the current conditions... haihss but i will try my best on improving and this is my promise to my parents and friends and loggers...

And last of all i think I might not be ready for the expectations bearing upon me in my studies in IIUM.... I might be ready but I NEED to prepare this myself as i think and see fit.. aha.. well this is kinda a corny post but hey i did my part on revealing my situation in my life.. ahaha

And I also want to tell all of you Tht recently I went to a talk abt the modern Genretion or the generation of change By the Opposing party Party Keadilan Rakyat...

And I find the talk very enlightening yes it was.. and there are also some pointers tht I dont agree o, And the thing tht make me sad on the whole talk was, It was targeted for the "new Generation" or the "generation of change"...

The talk was conducted by YB Izzah Anwar Ibrahims daughter, I simply call her Kak Izzah.. hehe cause his husband Abg Raja is a close friend to my brother..

And as for this post I would like to end it here and i noe it is corny but well again like I stated earlier I have done my part on presenting my part.. yes I did...

STRONG MIND STRONG FAITH STRONG HEART...

Hey im 19....

hello world.... Hello loggers and followers

Today 28th of February 2010, I am officially 19 years of age...

I am happy as I am one year older and hopefully 1 time more wiser...

And as a wish of new life of myself, I vow to make myself better...

And as a wish to my friends, I thank all of you, Alana, Qawy, Nadhirah, Amy, Elle and all of my dorm mates.... And I really hope To see all of you in Gombak to study together...

And as for me today i will have a barbecue to celebrate my birthday.. huhu

Signing out
STRONG FAITH STRONG MIND STRONG HEART

KLCC Road trip...

Today I went on a road trip to KLCC.. a trip to Kinokunia... Fun!!!!!!

I met up with Hilmi and Danial at the KTM station.. huhu and we got on the same train together.. lolzzz, And the trip started with all of us standing and waitng till we reach KL central... boring shit there, skip the chapter and we go on.. OK...

We stopped at KL Centaral and had a lil chill time there.. having drinks (legal of course by religion) and snacks, talked and made fun of passing people.. and so we got on the LRT, but before we got on the LTR some bunch of Malay Dickwads got mad at danial for playin on the escalator... And wht was the guy's problem?? We are not part of their lives right?? ok moving on...

So we hopped on the LRT and headed straight to KLCC and went to Sony Style to find some PS3 games.. too bad there aren't any that sparks Danial interest... soo we moved on to Kinokunia.. huhu there we met a guy named Adam, a Warhammer 40K Enthusiast to the bone and we chatted for a short whle.. fun... ahahha

There I bought 2 novels... Yes people i read novels.. The first book I bought is Mass Effect Ascension, a parallel story from the game.. i think this might be of some worth to read... hheheheheh, The second book is the official prequel to the GEARS OF WAR series.. niceeeeeeee.... Ahahaha and its called Aspho Fields....

And we decided to grab a bite at Burger King... Nice had a double WHOPPER and i tell you guys its worth it.... hua3!!

Then we took a stroll on the fountain view to relax and decided to rest next to a Foreigner from Chat... A good Black Fellow and i found it tht he is a student from UIA Gombak, (what a coincidence)... We talked abt all this tht focused to religion and im impressed at his level of thinking (unlike the minds of normal MALAYS I've seen) He's very intersting to chat with, gained alot from him and learned a lot.......... His name is Hussien btw... ngeeee

And after tht it was straight back to home after the amazing chat I had with him, chatting with him makes me feel like i've known him for soo long... cool aint it?? and soo we hopped on the LRT and went straight to KL central and home.. yes We were tired and just plain tired.. hehehe

And so tht is hw the Road trip to KLCC ended, meet 2 new and interesting back-grounds and nation... Hope tht it will happen again and really enjoyed the GREAT TRIP!!! Thx to My MOTHER, my TWIN, HILMI and DANIAL for making it fun...

Always with true heart mind and soul Fey.....

I am only a blight in His presence, and I shall commit to His will as I am MUSLIM!!

STRONG FAITH, STRONG MIND AND STRONG HEART

HAHAHA!!

You might not now this but there is a bug tht can see anything you see... If your not careful it will bite you, and i tell you its damn painful....

And to all my BEN friends hope to see u all in the nearest future... Miss all of you...

STRONG FAITH STRONG MIND STRONG HEART

My faults and Griefs..

Hello dear loggers, today I would like to make a formal apology to my friends, to be more specific my brothers(i noe you would disown me for my behaviors)...

Through my struggle on life I have never think to blame myself for the wrong doings tht i have done to myself or others... With this I tend to blame others for my failures and griefs..(I noe ur blogs are meant for me), I mostly blame my brothers for this... To start with I decided to join them, I decided to hangout with them, I decided all tht, but still I still blame myself... I noe i have not been discreet in this and so im sorry..

It bothers me to see tht, I would rather blame them before myself, they are imperfect, HECK no one is.. Im the Crudest amongst all these... My thoughts are diminished and replaced with hatred but I noe tht is wrong... WHY is the capital answer for this... I noe all of you think nw is "WTF fey, you decided to join us kan? Nw ur blaming it all on us?? FUCK YOU!!!!".... I cant blame all of you for thinking like this because its all my damn fault.... Hating you people is the last thing i want to do.. but i did it.. You stood up for me, cried with me, you even comforted me when no one was there to do so... BUT I STILL PUSH ALL OF YOU AWAY!!! I HATE MYSELF FOR DOING SO!!!!! You are more than brothers to me, more than family ties can ever be, all of you were my best friends.....But I started the fire and I was burned in it in the proses...

I have had soo many hate blogs abt myself, but your writings are the most painful to see because i noe it is all my fault... Nw i only seek forgiveness from all of you but if you all choose not to grant it I understand as i Deserve this punishment... Through this I am weak to blame others for my mistakes... And to tell you the truth, I have never thought abt the feeling of others before... And i noe I have misplaced all of your trust...

I will never forget the good times we had together, My brothers Kamil, Haziq (ben) and Syafiq (ustad)........

Forgive me as i am only human in the blight of His will...
Sincerely Muhammad Fariz (Fey) bin Ridzwan

A great gift..

Today i visited qawy in nilai and did the same thing over and over again.. at hijas drinkin...
hehe ok this not the purpose of my blog really.. the true purpose of my blog post nw is to write about the great gift of forgiving and understanding

With this i start my blog with a sincere apology With Irnita Herliana Solehan for the mistakes i have done so greatly to her... And with this i also forgive her for the blog post if she excepts my apology....

As i learned along my brief life i find tht it is really hard to forgive some one for the reasons but i have put enough gut in my word and i may look down on myself on this but forgiving and apologising is the best way... no more will i flame anybody in tht matter...

Again Irnita with a sincere heart I want to be forgiven as the same i will forgive... And i hope we can stay freinds after the dust have settled and forgive each other...

And I must thank N, L, and a dearest friend of mine Derrick Anthony...
STRONG FAITH, STRONG MIND, STRONG HEART....

Really hard on it...

Hell-o loggers, a day to be forgotten today as i am feeling unwell.. ahaha

Recently i feel disturbed on the facts tht cannot be mentioned here in this blog as it is strictly personal to me.. god i sound like a damn pussy..

I have made someone hate me to the core... i apologize and i noe there is no way for me to repent on it... i am human ( a useless one)... even my mom gets mad at me for the lil things i do wrong and i get offended....

The thing is i havent been mad in a DAMN long time.. and i exploded at the time i dont want it to happen... shiiitttt...

swearing is a style i developed since i was 12... i cant change tht... sry.. and for the time being, i think im nt thinking straight u noe...

Dah lame dah Aku Fey x marah macam tu... tp bile ade la hal sikit timbul meletup... im disgusted at myself and i think cutting all coms wif past life, friends and history.. write a new book... start over... the short semester will bring opportunity for tht... no one from the past will haunt me again..

QUESTIONABLE FAITH, QUESTIONABLE MIND................................................

And i am scared for life...

Burden lifted

Hello loggers... a dark and quite night tonight...

Today I seem to feel guilty for the things i've done to a friend of mine.. but i have already ask for forgiveness but i noe it is not easy to forgive the one who wronged you...

I will take wht ever punishment i will receive in life and after.. but i noe all this time i have been carrying a heavy burden for doing the things of guilt towards tht person..

as i type this with the feel of guilt and sorrow combined with tiredness and loneliness, i find it is hard to say the word "sorry" as it will make an impact on the lives of others.. i dunno,

STRONG FAITH, STRONG MIND

OH MY!!!!

Hello again dear loggers!!

To emphasize the sweetness of life, i am here to say tht i am ready to forget all of this.. nr forgive but forget... im the one tht has been the target all this time and i think im tired... i need some rest and i cant see why i need it.. lol

i hate, but i like at the same time, im confused and i am.... i have nothing to say to it..

OH my i hate this soo much but my faith to Allah is there to curb me from ever saying the name... holding back? yes, i would have written her name ages ago but i tend not to, as i noe humiliation is bitter... i hate.. i hate.. i hate.. i hate...

Faith and mind?? im losing it..

Maturity..

Hello dear loggers, im here today to talk abt maturity and the words used by some i noe.. hahaha (names will not be mentioned as it is very private)

Maturity is the level of thinking used by some in a conversation or fights and such... A matured person will not be going around the world swearing things like for instance "FUCK", "BANGSAT" and stuff like tht like some i noe. lol

Maturity also implies the level of critical thinking tht most CHILDREN fail to use.. like some i noe (as again name swill not be mentioned in this blog for private issue and takut ade yg marah and ckp ak fck lg.. hehehe tau2 je la spe)... Critical thinking as i recall is a subject thought in UIA for HS students... soo tht means HS students should be more matured than any other student performing in other study courses.. soo with critical thinking again them peeps wold learn maturity faster than anybody else....

soo i think this is all this time round and with this again my dear loggers
STRONG FAITH STRONG MIND

Regret is only a state of mind

Hello dear loggers...
Past have taught me to be more careful... yes careful ahahaha.....
Defending a friend cost me much but we talked and made things better wif my friend...
But this is not the purpose im writing this, yes this is NOT the reaso im writing this.. lolzz

The reason im writing this is because i regret the certain actions some make to a condition not to their liking, like a slight joke or insult if u might want to add it... haha, I regret to noe some act immaturely in the matter but wht can we do all have their insights on this...

Talked i have wif the people around me some understand and some SURELY don't... I dont get it, why be like this? is it attention? is it popularity? cause i find writing the names of others are inconsiderate...

I may have lost a 'friend' but i protected a TRUE friend... And im nt asking for forgiveness as i noe u will never grant it... And i wanna tell u, if u want the world to be ike u want, its hard and almost impossible.. Growing up is not easy, and having things u want is almost like hoping for rain the the sahara desert...

The lecture in critical thinking is being taught to be used in the real world, nt just in the lecture hall room wht ever... so a friendly advice from me is please use the things u have been taught with and prove u've been taught in those ways...

As for me im in a calm state of mind and im using critical thinking as it is... yess im am.. and i thank all those who helped me to see reason tht is already there..
STRONG FAITH STRONG MIND

Tired

Hello dear loggers, today for me is very tiring and i dunno why.. ahahha

soo the matter is i've nothing to say this time round and i hpe all my loggers are ok with it.. sry kay..

Advises from a true FRIEND

Today i met with a friend of mine which was lost for 8 years... Unbelievable to believe to have met him in nilai... His name is Syukri Al-jumari, he's a completely different person from the one i have known... He's better in a lot of ways and I was shocked to see such a different person...

Meeting him today made me realize how short life is to be filled with useless enjoyment and all... He said to me, don't fill your life with sin as it destroys you deeper than any human can do to you... He's inviting me to an usrah as i have never been to one... I take it as an extreme form of honour because he is giving me all this advices through his own experiance....

His word make me feel guilty at the things i have done... he made me realize the potentials tht i can become and achive by living the true path... He said to change urself u need no one but urself but help frm others does help in certain ways but the end results are determined by u..
I shall never forget the brief meeting I had with him at a small UIA college in Nilai...


STRONG FAITH, STRONG MIND

Bathroom T.R.I.P

we live in a world full of dirty things
dirty doorknobs and ATM machines
dirty cook sneezing on my chicken wings
so much dirty disease; we cant keep our hands clean

public restrooms are a main concern
where the walls are painted with strangers urine
if they scribble on the wall of a bathroom stall
do you honestly think that they wash their hands after touchin their---

all Im makin is a simple suggestion
to have an exit plan next time you enter a restroom
Im not concerned with your particular reason
be it O.C.D. or just the upcoming cold and flu season (listen here)

Do your business
zip up and then dispense this
little bit a paper towel--but wait
turn on the tap, apply some soap
lather up, rinse, dont stop the flow
first grab that paper towel you saved
use it as a barrier
when touching the faucet area
and when getting more paper towels for your hands
dry with it; then retain it
for the doorknob may be tainted.
as you exit, bank it off the wall into the trash can!
it's the perfect bathroom trip, man!
its the perfect bathroom plan! (it's perfect)

Pressing sight of depression

Yesterday was one of the hardest day to go through, I was totally running in amok as i was going through it...And to make things worse I was caught by the pressing sight of depression and uncontrolled emotions....

Explaining it would be time consuming and running it through it again would mean death to me (mentally). I dunno why I was caught by it.. maybe it's because I stopped thinking straight and making the wrong decisions...

I am a different man after the Depression hit me yesterday... This is all thanks to my twin and my best friend Alana who snapped me back into reality and making me think again.. Writing this is not easy for me as I tend to think about it too often at times.... The thing is when im depressed I tend to hurt myself and because of that my head hurts and god-damn its throbbing in there...

I shall not go back and next time I will be more careful on the emotions I come across and if not i might lead back at step one....

As for my feeling towards her, Its getting stronger but the time is nt right as she is taking her finals soon soo i dont wanna disturb her or anything....

After all tht have been said, Depression is hard to suppress and counter... soo better avoid at all times peeps..

STRONG FAITH, STRONG MIND!!!

Emotion of mine explained

For the past few days there was a bee in my mind tht i just cant ignore, then one night i decide to look into the bee thts been buzzin in my mind and then i saw tht the bee special someone tht i personally think is interesting and caring at the same time being who she is...

Im nt gonna make it too apparent and recognisable soo im just gonna skip the Hu-Ha and get down to terms of my life... I think i've found an interesting, caring and fun person to be with.. But the thing is im kinda embarrassed to S.O.L (shout out loud) abt it...

Writing this down im starting to feel comfortable abt myself as im expressing the tid-bits and stuff... Im not making this up, i've fallen from the sky by and arrow tht hits me straight at the senses and my heart...

Many times i've overlooked her for the true being she really is, after all this time she was right there, smiling and waving... haha, i could hate myself for overlooking her...

But the thing is she doesn't noe and im intending to keep is on the down low for the time being as i dont want to disturb her in her studies... time will tell the true tale and maybe time will allow me to tell her.. haha

As for nw im struck in the heart and i've fallen...
Adieu and with this STRONG FAITH, STRONG MIND

Promises and Neglect

Again i see people in my life going on making promises with sweet word and stuff just to neglect it... WHY does this happen??? To me promises are a great deal, u breat it and thts the end of us man, friendship and all...

But my real topic here is abt relationships... Usually the guys go and make sweet promises (im nt saying tht only guys make them) and then they just turn their backs on it giving fussy excuses, like im BZ, too much work, im stressed, and all the things u can imagine, yes i noe some of u have gone through this and i for one understand...

Ok guys, most of the time u say and promises tht u would make it up for ur absence in the girls life then when she asks u to meet them u go and say "oh sry la syg im BZ", then the girl asks "bile boleh jumpe??" the guy goes "I BZ skang, Later...".....

Now hw would u feel guys if u were in the girls shoes?? she hopes tht u would fulfill ur words and try to comfort her.... And my brothers lying is the worst things u can do to ur partner... its no joke once they find tht u lie to them, they will never trust u fully again.... Solving this "Promises and Neglect" Problem is nt easy as u have to change, this i noe as guys have an extremely difficult EGO to overcome..

Lets put this aside and for once try to think whts best for ur relationship... never think abt urself in a relationship... it will hurt the both of u when it does and it hurts me to see it all happen, yes there are ups and downs but y stop trying??

Rules of relatioon ship is nt only for fun, its for the love, attention (even a minor one would do), support, and help it gives.... soo if u think ur emotions are much more important than ur partner, u are nt fit for a relationship...

As for nw im done saying wht i think is worth saying...
STRONG FAITH, STRONG MIND

Hijab and Boys

A few days back i heard a friend complaining about girls and hijabs... i dont get it, i noe its compulsory for all muslim girls to wear it, but u dont have to force the person to wear it as it is a very2 personal matter....

Brothers, wht if ur GFs tell u to change just because ur with the person? It would suck right? same goes to the principal of hijabs.... If u even try to change her she will get pissed as u are invading her privacy on how and wht to wear..

The term of hijab an boys tht i use is very specific.... this because undoubtedly most muslim boys with a strong grip in faith would prefer their girls to wear a hijab, but cmon u can ask but u cant force the someone to change in an instant.... oh yes i've heard so many ranting about girls and their hijab.....

Then comes the concept of understanding girls with or without hijab, not all girls tht doesn't wear hijab are bad, I personally noe these people who are kind at heart caring and a good friend...
And my brothers, nt all girls tht wear hijab are good.. trust me i've seen and it terrifies me to see such things... haha

And if you my brothers ARE content on changing her, why dont u change urself?? change urself to understand tht she is nt use to wearing a hijab? soo my brothers, take my word, study it, and insyallah u will understand....

As for me it has been spoken and writen all thts left is to be read...
Strong Faith, Strong Mind

First steps....

Starting a new life is nw easy as we noe from experience when we leave a certain past life behind and trying to start a new one...

As of me im starting this new voyage called blogging.. i have done it a few times when i was younger but i could never keep tabs on it soo i think this time this blog stays...

Some might find the title of my blog site which is Blood, Tears and Faith to be a bit disturbing... there is a reason for the weird or grusome name, it is to reflect the life tht i will go through in my life as i noe it is nt easy....

as for this one i think im done with it and i think im satisfied...

as for me till next time... Strong faith, strong mind!